Here’s How Kindness Can Change your Culture 

By Shelley Baur

Ever since I was a child, the importance of kindness has been ingrained within me. Kindness can carry us far in life and help enhance not only our own lives but the lives of those we love and that we interact with daily. It wasn’t until I was older that I started to notice that not everyone sees the value of being kind. Some people see the value in your kindness to take advantage of you.

When I was in high school and began taking on more responsibilities, I flourished in getting accomplished whatever task or errand my parents asked of me. I recall a few occasions where I even baffled my father. Though I was a “Daddy’s girl”, and he was a kind man to those he loved, occasionally he would be impatient if I didn’t agree with him. You know “that look”?

The hardest lesson I had to learn was that people will try to take advantage of your kindness. I still remember the first time someone truly abused my kindness. It broke my heart.

I learned the most important lesson of my life: some people will see your kindness as a weakness. They will use your kindness in any way they can to put themselves ahead in life. I like to call these people “opportunists.”

An opportunist sees kind people as targets – they live in a world that is every-woman-for-herself. To be frank, they have no shame and no sense of humanity. They sleep easy, not caring that they were brutal. They just view it as just another “I win, you lose.” Unfortunately, for every kind-hearted person in the world, there is at least one opportunist trying to exploit them.

Don’t Let Them Win

Though opportunists will almost always exist in the world, you can ensure that they don’t take advantage of you. Unless you let them.

I know it can be easy to just stop being kind to everyone you meet when you are jaded by an opportunist. Don’t let them win! Today, we need kind people in the world…more than ever.

If everyone treated those around them with love and kindness, just imagine how amazing our world would be. I know it is a more optimistic outlook on life, but it is a path of personal power. You will be amazed at what simple kindness can allow you to accomplish.

Let the opportunists see your kindness…but don’t let them abuse it. That is how your kindness can be a weakness. Instead, redefine their understanding of your kindness. Show them that though you treat everyone with kindness, it can and will be taken away if abused.

On the other hand, don’t become the most difficult person to deal with either. Instead, be direct while staying calm. Show the opportunist that you do have personal strength. Short of superior physical strength, the only way you can be abused is if you allow it. If you are dealing with a team member or colleague that

believes they can take advantage of you; you must be clear and direct about your intended outcome.

Don’t Make it Personal

Focus your conversation on results. Don’t sugar coat anything. If you are in a leadership position, it might be time to take a course of action that sets a precedent for your team. Some people will perceive you to be unfair. In the end, you are doing your job by improving your team. Never make it personal, it is always and only about the job.

Oftentimes you find peers trying to take advantage of your kindness. You don’t want to be a “tattletale” or a snitch. I get it. You must be fair to yourself as much to your team members. You want to be fair, set a precedent and be consistent. Work with your team to get the job done. Stand-up for yourself if you see that an opportunist is trying to take advantage of you. And be ready to mentor and coach a team member if you see that they are a target.

Whether you are in a leadership role or just one of the team members, stay kind and offer to help first. Many people want to improve themselves and by helping them to be better you are helping the team to be better. One of my favorite people helped me write this article, adding richness with her youthful perspective. I’m proud of her because she learned very early in life that it’s important to be kind…all the time.

Kindness is always in season, and I’m intentional about acknowledging it.

I invite you to be honest over coffee, and I invite your reflections to enhance my own understanding of kindness, creating a safe place wherever you are, or any other topic you’d like to discuss.