Move Beyond Denial and Cancellation: Build Bridges Instead of Burning Them 

By Brad Federman

These days it feels like many people are denying that racism exists, while others see racism in almost anything.  We see people that rationalize their hatred, and people who search and destroy those that have made a mistake even 20 to 30 years ago regardless of who they have become today.  We use to have real conversations.  We worked to make progress.  Not anymore.  

Sure, it wasn’t easy.  Most places of work reflect a few people.  We call that a dominant culture mindset.  Whenever a dominant culture mindset exists, certain people are left out and excluded.  It takes time to get to an intercultural mindset.  An intercultural mindset reflects an inclusive environment, where people from different backgrounds feel safe, respected and valued.  An intercultural mindset is one that pushes itself to create equity for all.  Moving from a dominant culture mindset to an intercultural mindset is usually a messy process. You will see folks not recognize an issue even exists.  We call that a blind spot.  Sometimes you will see denial which is related to willful ignorance or an emotional response designed to protect people from discomfort.  Polarization is another reaction in the journey; polarization occurs when someone judges the differences in people in a negative manner in an effort to remove credibility to their concerns.  Minimization is yet another reaction, when the majority may deemphasize differences and is used to remove the weight of a minority’s concerns.  As you get closer to an intercultural mindset, you will notice people enter the acceptance stage.  When people enter this stage they begin to truly comprehend the difference(s) that exist and how those differences impact those that are not part of the dominant culture.  Adaptation is the stage that reflects inclusion and equity.  During this stage people and institutions make changes to bridge the difference and create a more equitable environment.  

We saw these stages play out across the country with women and the workplace.  For the longest time women did not work outside of the home, and if they did, they were part of a small percentage.  Our society would not accept women as workers.  Even the jobs available to them were limited and their choices were constrained.  Despite the obstacles, more women entered the workplace and some significant events such as war created a catalyst and space for more women to enter the workplace.  Women faced much discrimination along the way.  Certain jobs were unavailable to them.  Pregnancy and childcare related issues were held against them, causing them to struggle to rise up the ranks.  Harassment and assault awaited them in the workplace, with some companies even using sex systemically for the benefit of male executives’ pleasure.  Now we have policies, laws and benefits that we utilize to create a fairer and more inclusive work environment.  It has taken decades — however you could make the argument that it took over a century — for our workplace to change.  

And yet, we still have a ways to go:

• More than half of the US population are women, but only 6.6% of all Fortune 500 companies have women CEOs.
• While women account for 39% of global employment, they experienced 54% of job losses during Covid.
• 40% of people believe women face a double standard.
• Only 23% of executives are women.

Making progress, even slow progress, is positive.  Sure, we would like to see faster change.  But at least progress is progress.  Unfortunately we are starting to see some back sliding.  We are seeing increased divisions.    

We are fracturing as a society and our workplaces are no exception:

• Diversity job openings fell 60% during Covid.
• 76% of companies have no diversity or inclusion goals at all.
• Only 22% of respondents believe their organization’s DEI efforts have raised awareness among employers, customers or suppliers.
• Significant backlash has occurred because of missteps by companies regarding these efforts.
• Only 17% of workers support increased recruiting of underrepresented racial and ethnic groups.

We are also seeing similar backsliding in other aspects of our lives: 

• 84% of flight attendants have dealt with unruly passengers in the last year.
• Over 3,600 complaints were made to the FAA regarding unruly passengers in eight months almost doubling the 12 months prior.
• 77% of Americans have stress levels that impact their health.
• We have seen a 34% spike in anti-anxiety drugs.
• There has been a 14.8% increase in prescription sleep medications.

What is causing the outbursts we are seeing and the breakdowns in our lives?  There are several forces at work.  We have a faster pace of life and we have lost boundaries between work and personal life due to technology.  We are seeing significant shifts in demographics as we now have five generations in the workplace. Our political and economic stability has lessened over the years.  Norms are disappearing and changing, causing confusion for some and loss for others.  Our media is built for ratings, not news, creating sensationalized stories and encouraging heightened emotional reactions.  We have just been through a year and half of a health crisis, economic crisis and racial strife.  On top of all of that, we are experiencing change at an exponentially faster pace.  People’s worlds are becoming unrecognizable and that will only continue at a more rapid rate.  

Those types of changes create emotional reactions.  Typically, people see challenges like the ones above as threats or obstacles.  Those reactions drive emotional responses such as fear and anger.  Fear leads to a desire for an escape or a desire for safety, which is why people deny issues even when the evidence says otherwise.  In the case of anger, people typically respond by attacking people and ideas as well as attempting to destroy obstacles.  This reaction leads to things like cancel culture — and worse.  What we are seeing is a loss of emotional intelligence.  In fact we have seen a drop in emotional intelligence since 2011.  People are reacting and succumbing to their emotions rather than utilizing them.  It is why we are seeing news stories like:

• A Kansas University student tweeting a message of “Death to America” on 9/11 and then telling anyone that is upset that it is because they are  a racist; or
• A group of Texans putting a hostess in the hospital because the restaurant followed the Covid policy.

People are not choosing wisely.  We have seen families torn apart because of politics.  The idea that parents and children no longer have relationships and no longer celebrate holidays together because they chose to vote for a different candidate is very concerning and becoming more commonplace.   

What does this have to do with DEI?  Everything.  DEI is all about emotions.  Discussing issues like privilege, micro aggressions and more is very emotional.  People feel victimized, guilty, ignored, defensive and more.  How can we push for dialogue and change when we are this fragile?  Learning and change is an uncomfortable process that requires vulnerability, empathy, stability, and strength. It requires being soft on people and hard on the problem.  In order to drive these discussions productively we need to make sure our people have some basic skillsets including:  

• Resilience
• Emotional Intelligence
• Conflict resolution
• Dialoguing Skills
• Self-Awareness

These are the building blocks to creating an intercultural mindset.  Without these building blocks, we can and will create more problems, not less, when we engage in many DEI efforts.  To what degree have you invested in your employees to build these foundational skills?  We have seen DEI experts bring their own baggage into a room and make the session about them instead of about learning.  We have seen experts open up deep seated wounds when they lack the time to help a team heal, causing bigger problems after an intervention. Recently a large well-known company came under fire for adopting a course that asked “Caucasians to be less white.”  These are all mistakes that occur when DEI is not strategic and takes on a life of its own.  DEI is about understanding people’s different life experiences, developing empathy, and working together to address real problems that everyone has accepted and desires to address.  Isn’t it time we do the real work first?  We must help our employee population gain the necessary skillset to have real conversations.  We must get past denial and cancellation.  Learning and progress don’t exist within fear and anger.  We all win when we use emotions to build bridges rather than burn them down.