By Harvey Deutschendorf
Although there are still gaps in defining exactly what workaholism is, it has been estimated that up to 30% of workers today could be considered workaholics. While workaholism is considered an addiction like other addictions, it doesn’t carry the same stigma as the others. Instead, it can be regarded positively, as someone who is dedicated to their job and contributing to society. There is also a great deal of confusion in our understanding between those who are workaholics and those that work long hours because they are highly engaged and love their work. The difference lies in their motivation. Engaged workers find work pleasurable and words like happy, enthusiastic and excited have been used to describe their demeanor at work. On the other hand, workaholics are described as having a compulsion to work and hostile, tense and irritable have been used to describe their emotional state at work. “Loving your job and being emotionally dependent on it are two different things,” says Melody Wilding, LMSW, executive coach and author of Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work. “ Fundamentally, workaholics conflate their self-worth with their professional pursuits and productivity, which is a precarious place to be.” Anxiety, guilt and lack of self-assurance were found to be common attributes driving workaholics. Whereas the positive attributes that highly engaged people displayed at work transferred to their home lives, the negative ones displayed by the workaholics also played out at home. Not only did the workaholism become a problem for their families, workaholics also had more health problems from neglecting their own health due to overwork.
Here are 5 things that emotional intelligence can do to help workaholics.
Increased self-awareness
One of the things that has been noted by those working with workaholics is their disconnect from their emotions. Becoming more aware of our emotions allows us to identify why we are doing something. Identifying that we are doing something for the wrong reasons is the first step towards changing our behaviors. Finding out what is driving our needs allows us to drill down to the roots of where they started. Who are we trying to impress? What are we trying to prove and to whom? What are we avoiding by focusing so much time and energy on our work? The answers to these questions are crucial first steps in changing our patterns. In my book The Other Kind of Smart, www.theotherkindofsmart.com, I devote a chapter to self-awareness.
Talk to someone you trust.
If you are struggling with working too much you need to find someone to talk to who will be supportive, you can trust and will have your best interests at heart. It is best not to turn to your family but find someone outside who can be objective. Counsellors are a good bet, as are friends and mentors who are not struggling with the same issues. Look for people who are successful in their work, have healthy relationships and are happy with their lives.
“Therapy can educate people about work norms, increasing awareness of how different their patterns are from others, or how their behaviors are perceived by others,” says Dr. Melissa Boudin, PsyD, Clinical Director at online therapy platform, Choosing Therapy. “Cognitive behavioral therapy can help a workaholic set limits and boundaries related work, which are typically difficult for them to do.”
Look for self-help groups.
One of the most successful ways of working through addictions is through self-help groups. Alcoholics Anonymous is an example of such a group that has had success in helping their members remain sober. There are Workaholics Anonymous groups in a number of States. These groups would have the benefit of being with people who share your struggles and understand what you are going through. If you are male, The Mankind Project provides a safe environment that allows men the opportunity to be open and share their feelings.
Find a passion or renew an existing one.
Have you had a passion or interest that has fallen by the wayside since work has become the dominant factor in your life? Make a determined effort to set aside time to spend time with something other than work that you have a strong interest in. It may be difficult at first. Feelings like guilt may creep in for not spending that time working. Focus on how you feel about doing something that you love, even for a short time. Gradually increase the time you spend on an interest and before falling asleep think of how good that time felt.
Take a vacation or time away and unplug.
If you have vacation time, make sure that you use it. Make sure that it is totally away from work, no connection through any devices and no communication with the workplace. This may not be easy but focus on being totally present in whatever you are involved in while you are away from work. Recharging yourself will not only improve your mental, physical and emotional health, but allow you to be more effective when you return to work.
