By Harvey Deutschendorf
Emotional intelligence has been around for some time now. It is widely known and used, particularly in corporations and the business community. Even though we know the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EI) is more widely accepted and the benefits recognized, misconceptions about how to develop it are common. Much of what has been written makes it appear that increasing our EI requires a large amount of ongoing effort and a lifetime commitment. Having a lot on their plate and multiple demands, some people may find the idea overwhelming. While any type of change can involve commitment and effort over a long period of time, there are simple things we can do that will give us immediate results. These are easy things we can incorporate into our daily routine. After seeing the results and benefits of doing a few basic concepts differently, we may want to go deeper into developing our emotional intelligence.
Here are 5 simple ways we can boost our emotional intelligence every day.
Become more aware of our feelings.
For many people feelings are something in the background that we pay little attention to. Check your feelings a few times a day and pay attention to them. It feels like you are outside of yourself as an observer, looking at yourself. This increases awareness of your feelings and gives you more control. Since emotional intelligence is about managing our feelings, becoming more aware of them is a crucial first step. In my book, The Other Kind of Smart, www.theotherkindofsmart.com, I suggest looking for an opportunity each day to share at least one positive emotion. Share with someone something they did or said that lifted you up.
Become a better listener.
Emotional intelligence is about building stronger connections with others. We can do this by becoming better listeners. Most people are too busy thinking of a response to really listen. Instead of thinking of a response, force yourself to focus on what others are saying. Repeat back in your own words and ask questions. People are so used to not being heard that you will gain a level of respect in their eyes, even if you don’t agree with them. At some level they will like the feeling of being heard and your significance to them will increase.
Avoid monologues and work on conversations.
We all know someone who goes on talking to us about something solely of interest to them. They seem to be totally oblivious to the fact that we may not be interested in what they are rambling on about. We are likely trying to get away from them as soon as possible and will avoid them in the future. When talking to someone, ask yourself if the topic you are excited about would be of any interest to them. Better yet, ask them about themselves. Most people love to talk about themselves. Try to remember things about people that are important to them and bring it up next time you see them. Doing this will create the feeling they are important to you, which will forge deeper connections.
Give yourselves a brief time out when experiencing strong negative emotions.
We all feel powerful emotions at some point. Experiencing the exhilaration of your team scoring an important goal and celebrating by shouting and throwing up your arms is a healthy way to express an emotion. However, when we experience extreme anger and rage, expressing it immediately can get us into trouble. Road rage is an example of anger running amuck. These powerful emotions will subside quickly if we don’t act on them and allow ourselves a few seconds to calm down. For me, counting to 10 works. For some people, it is humming a song they have in their head. Find something that works for you and practice when you feel your anger rising up. It can save you from doing or saying something you may regret.
In the evening go over your day.
Before you go to sleep briefly look over your interactions that day. What went well and what could have gone better. If you tried something different and it worked better, enjoy the feeling of knowing that you are in charge of your feelings and actions. If something didn’t go well, think of how you might have handled it differently. Resolve to try something else next time. If this list seems like it’s too much, pick one thing and work on it. Remember that any progress is a win and will keep you moving in the right direction.
Harvey Deutschendorf is an emotional intelligence expert, internationally published author and speaker. To take the EI Quiz go to theotherkindofsmart.com. His book THE OTHER KIND OF SMART, Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence for Greater Personal Effectiveness and Success has been published in 4 languages. Harvey writes for FAST COMPANY and has a monthly column with HRPROFESSIONALS MAGAZINE. You can follow him on Twitter @theeiguy.